Whatever.

I say “Whatever” too much. It might be a defense mechanism from saying what I really feel and think, to numb myself because it is a lot easier than letting out messy feelings and thoughts. By saying “Whatever”, I think that they just disappear, but I realize I just bottle it inside and add another layer to an already elephant thick skin. A friend of mine said that if you get to a pattern of saying something one way, say it in another, or what you say becomes a habit. Another friend said to surrender. So here it goes: I’m disappointed, embarrassed, and hurt. I feel neglected and rejected. I feel a little cheated. I think it’s for the best though, because I don’t want something I know won’t end well to linger further than it should. I’m glad I took initiative. I’m hopeful for something new. I don’t think I’m looking back. I’m a great guy. There.